we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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