i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
