you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
