There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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