3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize