It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
