Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
