she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Vodka?
Forever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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