It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
