We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
