I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
