and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
