i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
