You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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