This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
