Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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