I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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