Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
