it wasn't lemon gatorade
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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