Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
