Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize