Pappa wants mamma naked
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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