true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
