So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
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You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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