Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
