i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
