Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
