I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
