just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
