No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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