I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My cat gives me a boner
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
