you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
