Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
