Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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