Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
