If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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