Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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