I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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