she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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