He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
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