it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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