i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
