Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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