Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
