youre lurking in front of me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
