I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
