soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize