just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
