If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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