Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
