there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
