if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
