he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
People in love make me want to vomit
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
