He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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