We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
