I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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