ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
