smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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