You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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