foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
