He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
