Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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