youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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