I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
