i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
