you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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