my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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