Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
