so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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