I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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