Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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