Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
