you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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